The 5 Telling Signs You're Being Drained, Not Supported.

We all know that feeling. You have plans with a certain friend, and as the time gets closer, you don’t feel excited. You feel a bit heavy. You meet up and talk, but something is off. You leave feeling tired, not happy. You feel unsure of yourself, or just plain bad. You might tell yourself it’s just a "bad day" or that you’re "too sensitive." You blame yourself.

But I want you to hear this: sometimes, it’s not you. The problem is the friendship. It has turned toxic.

I’m talking about this because I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve had friends who made me feel like I was never good enough. I’ve also had to take a hard look at myself and see when I wasn’t being a good friend either. It’s tough to face.

Toxic friendships are tricky. They don’t start with big fights or cruel words. That would be easy to spot. Instead, they start slowly. It’s like a drop of water, dripping in the same spot, over and over. A small comment that stings. Always talking about their problems, never asking about yours. You start to feel a quiet worry in your stomach. You get that sense that something just isn’t right.

We stay in these friendships because we’re kind. We remember the good times. We’re afraid of being alone. But recognizing the signs is the first step toward feeling better. It’s about protecting your own heart.

This isn’t about labeling someone a bad person. It’s about looking at the friendship honestly. It’s about asking one simple question: When I’m with this person, do I feel better or worse?

Let’s ask that question together.

The Energy Drain

Think about a friend who leaves you feeling completely spent. Not a good tired, but a deep, empty tired. This is the Energy Drain.

You know the feeling. You see their name on your caller ID. You don’t feel happy. You feel a little dread. I’ve felt this. You answer anyway because you’re kind. We often answer out of guilt.

The conversation starts. Immediately, it’s only about them. Their problems. Their drama. Their terrible day. You listen. You try to help. You offer advice.

Then, you try to share. Maybe you say, "I had a rough day, too." What happens next? They might pause, then say, "That’s nothing, listen to what happened to ME!" And just like that, the spotlight swings back to them. Your story is forgotten. I want you to see this for what it is. Your words were just a bridge for them to talk more about themselves.

When you finally hang up, you feel completely drained. It’s like they siphoned all your energy. You feel used. You feel unseen. Your own feelings weren’t heard. We’ve all been there.

A healthy friendship is like a see-saw. Sometimes you need support, sometimes they do. It goes back and forth. With an Energy Drain, you’re always the one holding them up. You’re always giving. They are always taking.

That drained feeling is your clue. It’s your heart telling you something’s wrong. So, ask yourself this: After I talk to this person, do I feel better, or do I feel worse? Your answer matters. Listen to it.

The Constant Competitor

You know this feeling. You have something happy to share. Maybe you aced a test, or landed a new job. You feel proud. You want to tell your friend.

So you tell them. You watch their face. I’ve seen that look. It’s not a real smile. It’s something else.

Then they reply. But their words feel off. They say, "That’s good! My news is even better, though." Or they say, "That’s nice, but let me tell you about my bigger achievement."

See what happened? Your good news didn’t get celebrated. It got compared. Your happiness suddenly feels small. You feel let down. We’ve all felt that pinch of disappointment.

I remember telling a friend about a small win. They quickly launched into a story about their bigger win. My joy just faded. I felt silly for even sharing.

This friend makes you want to hide your success. You start to downplay your good news before you even share it. You say, "It’s not a big deal," because you know how they’ll react. You learn to make yourself smaller so they can feel bigger.

A real friend is happy for your happiness. They cheer for you. They don’t keep score. Your win doesn’t make them feel like they’re losing. With a Constant Competitor, everything is a race you never signed up for.

So think about this: when you share good news with this person, do you feel celebrated, or do you feel compared? Do you feel bigger, or do you feel you have to shrink? Your answer tells you everything.

The Guilt-Tripper

This type of friend is the most confusing. They don’t fight with you directly. Instead, they make you feel unsure and guilty. This is the Guilt-Tripper. They use your own kindness against you.

You know the feeling. Think of the last time you told this person "no." Maybe you couldn’t help them with a favor, or you needed a night to yourself.

Remember their reaction? I do. It wasn’t a simple "okay."
Instead, they sighed deeply. Or they said something designed to make you feel bad. They said, "I guess I’ll just deal with this alone, then." Or, "It’s fine. I’m used to being let down."

Hear what they’re doing? Your normal boundary is twisted into a personal failure. They make their problem your fault. We feel terrible because we’re kind people. We hate to think we’ve hurt someone.

So what do we do? We go back. We apologize when we did nothing wrong. We change our plans to please them. I’ve done this. You probably have too. We rush to fix the guilt they created. This teaches them that making us feel guilty works.

This friend keeps a secret scorecard in their head. They remember every nice thing they ever did for you. They use it like a weapon. They say, "After I drove you to the airport that time, I really thought you’d do this for me." Their past help wasn’t a gift. It’s a debt they make you pay.

The worst part is they make you doubt your own mind. You say, "That comment hurt my feelings." They reply, "You’re too sensitive. You always take things the wrong way." Now you’re not just hurt. You’re confused. You start to wonder if maybe you are the problem.

A healthy friend respects your "no." They know a boundary is about your needs, not a rejection. You can talk about feelings without being punished. With a Guilt-Tripper, you feel you owe them. You feel responsible for their emotions.

Ask yourself these questions. Can you say "no" to this person without a storm? Or do you end up apologizing just for having a limit? Do you feel responsible for their happiness? Your answers will show you the truth.

The "Just Joking" Friend

This is the friend who uses jokes as a weapon. They’re the "Just Joking" Friend. Their comments are always wrapped in laughter, but the words leave a mark.

You know how it goes. You’re in a group talking. You share your opinion. They make a "funny" comment about how you’re always wrong. You talk about a book you love. They mock it and call you boring. The joke is always on you. Your looks, your dreams, your mistakes become their material.

I had a friend like this. They always joked about my quiet voice. They’d pretend not to hear me and make everyone laugh. I’d smile, but inside I felt hurt. Over time, I talked less. I started to believe my voice wasn’t important. We can start to believe the mean things they disguise as a "joke."

The worst part is when you speak up. You tell them, "That hurt my feelings." A real friend would stop and apologize. But the "Just Joking" Friend gets defensive. They say, "You can’t take a joke! Don’t be so sensitive!" Now, the problem isn’t their mean joke. The problem is you for feeling hurt. You feel worse than before.

We stay quiet because we don’t want to cause a scene. We laugh along to keep the peace. But each time we do, we feel a little smaller.

There’s a big difference between fun teasing and mean joking. Fun teasing is kind and makes everyone laugh, including you. It stops if you’re upset. Mean joking is only fun for the person saying it. It makes others laugh at you, not with you. It targets what you’re insecure about.

Ask yourself about this friend. After they joke, do you feel happy or humiliated? Do you feel safe, or do you feel like you’re the punchline? Do their jokes build you up or break you down?

Listen to that feeling. A true friend makes you feel good about yourself, not bad.

The Fair-Weather Friend

This friend is only there for the good times. They’re the Fair-Weather Friend. They love your happiness but disappear during your pain.

You know this friend. We all do. I’ve had one. When your life is fun, they’re your biggest fan. You have a party? They’re the first to say yes. You get good news? They celebrate with you. In these bright moments, the friendship feels easy and real.

But life isn’t always bright. Sometimes, it gets hard. You lose your job. A relationship ends. You feel a deep sadness. This is when you need a friend.

This is when you see who they really are. You reach out. You send a text: "Having a tough day." You hope for comfort.

What happens next? Think about your own experience. Often, nothing happens. Your text is left on "read." Your call isn’t returned. If they do answer, their words are hollow. They say, "Sorry you’re sad! Talk soon!" Then they vanish. Your real problem is ignored. Your pain doesn’t fit the happy story they want from you.

We’re left alone holding our hurt. Their silence is deafening. I remember when I was grieving. A fair-weather friend disappeared. They said, "Let’s meet when you’re happier." That sentence hurt more than the silence. It showed me the truth. To them, I was only a friend for happy moments.

This makes you feel unsafe in the friendship. You start to hide your bad days. You pretend to be okay. You filter your life so they’ll stick around. This is exhausting. You can’t be your true self. You have to constantly act the part of the "happy friend."

A true friend is different. A real friend shows up in the storm. They may not know what to say, but they come. They sit with you. They listen. They let you be sad. Their friendship doesn’t depend on your mood. They care for you even when you’re broken.

Think about your life. Think about your last bad day. Who called you? Who listened? Who was nowhere to be found?

Can you be your true, sad self with this person? Or do you have to pretend to be fine?

Your answer tells you everything. A real friend loves all of you, not just the happy parts.

Trust Your Gut, Protect Your Peace

If you read these signs and felt a click of recognition inside, you’re not alone. I’ve been there too. We often stay in friendships that hurt us because leaving feels difficult or cruel. But the most important thing I learned is this: you have to trust yourself. Your feelings are real.

What does “trust your gut” mean? It means paying attention to how your body feels. Do you get a knot in your stomach before you see them? Does your heart feel heavy when they call? That’s your gut talking. It’s your oldest friend, trying to protect you. We often ignore these feelings. We tell ourselves we’re being silly or too sensitive. But I want you to start listening. That feeling is telling you, “This is costing me my peace.”

Now, what does “protect your peace” mean? It doesn’t always mean a big fight or a dramatic ending. It usually means small, quiet choices. It means taking longer to text back. It means saying “no” to plans that drain you. It means not sharing your big news with someone who will diminish it. It means putting your own calm and happiness first. This isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

I had to learn that stepping back from a toxic friendship isn’t an act of cruelty. It’s an act of care—for yourself. You don’t have to burn yourself out to keep someone else warm. You can wish them well from a distance. You will feel guilty at first. That’s normal. But soon, you’ll feel something else: relief. You’ll have space to breathe. You’ll have energy for people who give energy back to you.

So, what should you do now? Start by being kind to yourself. Your feelings matter. Then, ask yourself the simple questions we talked about:

Do I feel better or worse after we talk?

Can I be my true self with them?

Do I feel supported, or do I feel used?

Your answers are your guide. We can’t change other people. But we can choose what we allow in our lives. We can choose to stop giving our time to people who make us feel small.

You deserve friendships that feel good. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and happy. Trust that feeling in your chest. Choose your peace. You are worth it.