It’s Not About Grand Gestures—It’s About the Small, Consistent Choices That Bring You Closer.

Remember the early days? I mean, really remember them. The fizzy feeling in your stomach before you saw them. The time you spent picking out your clothes. The talks that went on for hours because everything they said was interesting. You were paying attention. You were choosing to be there. You were, without a doubt, dating.

Now, let's look at today. Maybe it's been a few years. Maybe it's been many. You and I, we've built a life. Our relationship runs smoothly now. It's shared bills and checking calendars. It's knowing how they like their tea. What we have is strong. It's the base of our home, and that matters.

But let me ask you something honestly. Does it sometimes feel like you're running a small business with a friend? You are both the bosses. You manage the house. You handle the chores. You are a good team. But where is the fun? Where is the feeling that made you stay up talking until morning?

If that rings true, you are not the only one. We all get stuck here. Life gets busy. Work, kids, cleaning, bills—they pile up. The exciting love gets covered by daily tasks. That first spark is not gone. I promise you. It is just hidden. It's under the to-do list. It's behind the tiredness at the end of the day.

Finding it again does not need a big, expensive trip. It's not about one fancy night. The real secret is simpler. It is choosing to "date" your spouse again. It is deciding to see your partner not just as the person who does the dishes, but as the person who makes you smile.

I’m talking about shifting how you see each other, even just a little. It is moving from being roommates who manage life, back to being friends who enjoy each other. It is turning off the automatic pilot and actually choosing each other, again and again. It is looking at them and seeing the person you fell for, not just the parent or the cook or the bill-payer.

This is not about saying your life is bad. You and I, we have built something good. This is about making it great again. It is about cleaning off the dust from something beautiful you already own. It is about remembering that you are not just a team for chores. You are a team for joy, too. So let's start there. Let's choose to find each other again, right in the middle of this busy, ordinary life we built together.

Become a Student of Your Partner (Again)

Think back to your very first conversations. I know I do. You asked so many questions. You wanted to know everything—their favorite childhood book, their biggest dream, the story behind that small tattoo. You listened closely to every answer. You were a student of this new, amazing person. And you loved the homework.

So, when was the last time you asked your partner a question you didn’t already know the answer to?

It happens to all of us. We live together for years. We share a home, a bed, a life. And slowly, we start to believe we know everything about them. We stop asking. We think the learning is done. Our talks become only about the day’s plans and problems. "Did you pay the bill?" "What’s for dinner?" We forget to ask about their heart, their thoughts, their changing dreams.

Here’s the truth: People change. The person you married is not the exact same person today. They have grown. They have new thoughts, new worries, new small joys. If you only see the person you knew years ago, you are missing the person right in front of you now.

This is our first and most important step. To reignite your partnership, you have to become a student again. You have to choose to be curious. This isn’t about a big, serious talk. It’s about a new habit. It’s you saying, “I know you, and I also know I don’t know everything. Tell me more.”

Your full attention is a powerful gift. In a world full of noise, giving someone your true focus says, “You matter most.” When you ask a real question and then just listen, you build a connection. You make your partner feel seen.

So, how do we start? We keep it simple. We build a habit of asking one real question each day. You can do this anywhere—in the car, at the sink, in bed before sleep.

Don’t ask, “How was your day?” That question is too easy. It leads to a one-word answer. Ask something that makes them think and feel. Here are some ideas:

Ask about a memory: “What’s a happy memory from last week that made you smile?”

Ask about a dream: “If you could try any new hobby, what would it be?”

Ask about a feeling: “What was the best part of your day today?”

Ask about you two: “What’s something silly you love about our life together?”

The goal is not the perfect question. The goal is to listen to the answer. Look at their face. Hear their tone. Let them talk without you giving advice or telling your own story. Just listen. Just learn.

When you do this often, something changes. You remember why you liked listening to them in the first place. You see new sides of the person you love. Your talks become better than just planning and problem-solving. They become about connecting.

We began by remembering the curiosity of those early dates. We can have that again. It starts with one small question. It starts with you deciding that your partner is still the most interesting person you know. Be a student. The lessons you learn will bring you closer together.

Schedule Adventure, Not Just Appointments

Look at your calendar. What do you see? I see my own. It is full of appointments. The dentist. The school meeting. The car repair. Our calendars are lists of things we have to do. They are the map of our busy, responsible life.

Now, think of your calendar when you were dating. What was on it? Dates. Plans for fun. The promise of time together doing something new. You did not just meet to manage life. You met to enjoy each other. You were not managers; you were adventurers.

Somehow, over time, we lost that. Our shared time became about work. We talk about bills and chores and schedules. The fun, the silly, the "let's try something" feeling got pushed out. But that feeling is the glue of our connection. It is what makes us feel like best friends, not just business partners.

Here’s a simple truth: Trying new things together brings you closer. It does not have to be big. When you and I step out of our normal routine, something good happens. Our brains wake up. We laugh more. We see each other in a new light. A simple new experience can make you feel like a team again, figuring something out together. It creates a happy memory that is just yours.

Adventure is the enemy of boredom. Routine is safe, but it can make love feel sleepy. Adventure wakes it up. You do not need lots of money or a free weekend. You just need a little bit of planning and the choice to make fun a priority.

So how do we do this when life is so busy? We have to plan for it. If we wait for a free moment, it will never come. We must put it on the calendar, like an important appointment.

Here’s my idea for you. Let’s make a promise. For every few "have-to" appointments we make, we will also make one "want-to" appointment. Call it "Fun Time" or "Our Adventure." Write it down in pen.

What counts as an adventure? Anything that is not your normal Wednesday. It is about breaking your routine together. Here are some easy ideas:

Be a Tourist at Home: Drive to a part of your town you never visit. Walk around. Go into a shop you always pass. Your goal is just to see something new, together.

Learn Something Silly: Pick something you don't know how to do. Watch a video on how to draw a cartoon, fold a paper airplane, or say hello in a new language. Try it together for 20 minutes. The goal is to laugh, not to be good.

Have a Tasting Night: Go to the grocery store. Each of you picks a new fruit, a strange snack, or a fun drink you have never tried. Go home and taste them together. Talk about what you like.

Remember an Early Date: Think of one of your first dates. Was it mini-golf? A picnic? A cheap movie? Try to do it again. Talk about what you remember.

The hard part is not the money or the time. The hard part is making it important. We make time for what matters to us. I believe your joy together matters.

This week, open your calendar. Find one empty space. It could be just 90 minutes on a Tuesday night. Write in: "Fun with You." Then, tell your partner. Say, "I booked us for some fun. What should we do?" You are not just planning an activity. You are planning a feeling. You are choosing to be adventurers again, even for a little while. You are choosing to make a memory, instead of just checking a task off a list.

Practice Gratitude Out Loud

Think about the last time you felt annoyed with your partner. It is easy, right? Maybe they left a cup on the counter. Maybe they were late. Our minds are good at seeing problems. We notice what is wrong. We keep a quiet list in our heads of little irritations. It is normal. We are all like this.

Now, think about the last time you felt thankful for your partner. Did you feel a warm feeling when they made the bed? Did you notice how they made your child laugh? Did you appreciate that they started the dishwasher? You probably felt that thanks inside. But here is my question for you: Did you say it out loud?

This is where we often go wrong. We feel thankful, but we stay silent. We think, "They know I appreciate them." But I am telling you, silent thanks does not help your relationship. It is like buying a gift and never giving it. Your partner cannot feel what you do not say.

When we were dating, we said it all. "Thank you for a wonderful night." "I love your smile." We were not afraid to share the good feelings. That habit fades with time. Life gets noisy. We forget to speak our thanks, even as we feel it.

Saying "thank you" out loud does two big things. First, it changes you. It trains your brain to look for the good things instead of only the bad things. You start to see your partner as someone who helps, not just someone who forgets. Second, it changes them. Hearing "I see what you did, and it helped me" makes people feel loved. It makes them feel seen. It turns a boring chore into a gift they gave you.

So how do we start? We start very small. Do not wait for a big thing. Thank them for the small, normal things.

This week, I want you to try this with me. Say one specific thank you every day. Be simple. Be clear. Here is what I mean:

"Thank you for taking out the trash this morning. It was one less thing for me to do."

"I noticed you filled my water bottle. That was kind. Thank you."

"Thank you for listening to me talk about my hard day. It helped."

"I am grateful you cooked dinner tonight. The food was tasty, and I felt cared for."

Do you see the difference? You are not just saying "thanks." You are telling them what they did and how it helped you. This connects their action to your heart. It builds a bridge between you.

We must catch ourselves. When you feel annoyed about a mess, stop. Look for one thing they did right instead, and say thank you for that. It will feel strange at first. That is okay. New habits feel strange.

This practice is like magic. When you say thanks out loud, you create a warmer home. Your partner will probably start to thank you more, too. It becomes a happy cycle. You focus less on what is wrong and more on what is right.

We are not looking for perfect. We are looking for better. Some days your thanks might be small. "Thank you for being here with me." That is enough. The point is to say it. Move the thanks from your quiet mind to your loud voice.

Start today. Look at your partner. Find one thing you can thank them for, and just say it. You are not just being nice. You are building a stronger love. You are choosing to see the good in your shared life. And that good will grow when you say it out loud.

Build a Shared Dream (That’s Not About the Kids)

Think about what you and your partner talk about when you dream about the future. I will tell you what we often talk about. We talk about our kids’ futures. We talk about saving for college, fixing up the house, and planning for a steady retirement. Our dreams are often about responsibility. They are about caring for others. This is good and loving work. But I have a question for you. When was the last time you two dreamed up something wild, fun, or exciting that was just for you?

Do you remember the dreams you used to share? Maybe you talked about traveling across the country in a camper van. Maybe you dreamed of learning to ballroom dance or finally writing that book. Those dreams were like glue. They connected you. They gave you a shared vision of a joyful "someday." You were a team of dreamers.

Somehow, life steps in. Those "just for us" dreams get put on a high shelf. We tell ourselves we are too busy, too tired, or that it is not practical. Our shared vision narrows to the next school project or home repair. We stop being dreamers and become only managers. But a relationship that only manages is a relationship that can forget how to play, hope, and imagine together.

I believe we need to get those dreams down from the shelf. We need to blow the dust off them. Building a shared dream that has nothing to do with your children or your duties is one of the most powerful ways to feel like partners in love again, not just partners in life.

Why does this matter so much? A shared dream gives you a common purpose that is fueled by desire, not duty. It gives you something exciting to talk about and plan for. It reminds you that you are more than just parents or homeowners. You are adventurers and creators. You are a team with a secret mission for joy.

Your dream does not need to be big or expensive. It needs to be yours. It is about the shared journey, not just the finish line.

So, how do we start? We start with a conversation. This week, find a quiet moment. Ask your partner this one simple question: “If we could pick one fun thing to do together just for us, what would it be?”

Listen to their answer. Then, share your own idea. Do not shoot the ideas down by talking about money or time right away. Just let yourself dream together for a few minutes. Then, pick one small piece of that dream and make it your project.

Here are some simple places to start:

The Learning Dream: Say, “Let’s learn to make great bread together.” Buy flour. Find a recipe. Make a mess in the kitchen. The dream isn’t to become bakers. The dream is to laugh and learn side-by-side.

The Nature Dream: Say, “Let’s watch the sunrise once a month.” Put it on the calendar. Drive to a pretty spot with blankets and coffee. The dream is to share quiet, beautiful moments.

The Silly Dream: Say, “Let’s have a game night every other week.” Put away your phones. Play cards or a board game. The dream is to be playful and competitive together again.

The Future Dream: Say, “Let’s plan our dream road trip, even if we never take it.” Get a map. Look up stops online. The dream is in the planning and imagining together.

The goal is not the perfect result. The goal is the fun you have while you are trying. It is the conversations that start with, “What if we…?” It is the feeling that you are building a small, happy secret together.

This shared dream becomes your personal project. It is a space where you are not Mom and Dad. You are two people who like each other’s company and want to build something joyful together.

So, I encourage you, start dreaming a little dream this week. Pick one small thing. Nurture it together. When you build a shared dream, you are not just planning an activity. You are rebuilding your connection. You are telling each other, “Our joy still matters. Our adventure is not over.” You are planting a seed for your future happiness, together.

Reclaim Intimacy (And I Don’t Just Mean Sex)

When I say intimacy, I don't only mean the big, romantic kind. I mean the small, everyday kind. Think about your day. How often do you really touch your partner? I am talking about a hand on their back as you walk by. Your foot touching theirs under the table. These small touches are a quiet language. And for many of us, that language is getting quiet.

I know how it happens. You and I get busy. We get tired. Touch starts to feel like it has a purpose. It becomes just a quick kiss goodbye or a signal for something else. We forget that a simple touch is a gift all by itself. It says, "I am here with you." Without that daily closeness, we can start to feel a little lonely, even when we are sitting right next to each other.

This is why we need to reclaim intimacy. And I am not just talking about sex. I am talking about the foundation of safety and comfort that comes from simple closeness. This is the intimacy that makes you feel like a team. It is the warmth that makes everything else in your relationship feel better and easier.

Why is this so important? Because our bodies and minds need this connection. A gentle touch or a long hug actually calms your nerves. It lowers stress. It builds a feeling of trust and safety. When you share these touches, you are telling each other's bodies, "We are together. We are safe."

But we have to start small. We cannot go from no touch to constant touch overnight. We need to be gentle and patient.

Let's begin with one simple practice: The 10-Second Hug.

Try this. Tonight, give your partner a real hug. Don't let go right away. Hold on for a full ten seconds. Breathe. Feel them there. It will feel longer than you think. This hug is not a hello or goodbye. It is a moment of pure connection. It is a way to reset and remember what it feels like to hold each other.

Here are some other simple ways to bring touch back:

Sit Close: For just 10 or 15 minutes, sit together on the couch. Let your legs or shoulders touch. You don't even have to talk. Just be close.

Touch While Talking: When they tell you about their day, put your hand on their arm. It shows you are listening with your whole body.

Hold Hands: Make a point to hold hands in the car or while walking. It is a simple way to connect.

Give a Quick Shoulder Rub: While they are making dinner or working, give their shoulders a gentle squeeze for a minute.

The goal of this touch is not to lead to sex. It is important that these touches are given freely, with no strings attached. That is what makes them feel safe and loving. When touch is only about one thing, it can build pressure. When touch is a regular, kind part of your day, it builds trust and closeness.

We have to make a choice to close the small distance between us. This week, think of your connection like a plant that needs water. You don't need a flood. You just need to water it a little each day.

Reach out and hold their hand. Let your touch be a quiet promise that says, "I am here. I choose you." This is how we reclaim intimacy. Not with one big night, but with a hundred small touches that rebuild your connection, one gentle moment at a time. This is how you move from being two people who share a house to two people who share a life, truly connected, close, and warm.

The Choice to Keep Choosing Each Other

We started with one question: Are you dating your spouse? I asked you to look at the comfortable life you’ve built and listen for the quiet space where the excitement used to be. If that question sounded true for you—if you felt a pull toward those early days of fun and discovery—then I hope you see something now. You were not missing something that is lost. You were hearing a call. A call to remember, to wake up, and to choose each other, all over again.

This is the simple truth at the end of all we’ve talked about. A strong, happy partnership is not a thing you find and then own forever. It is not a finish line. It is a living thing. It grows when you pay attention to it. It fades when you forget about it. It is made from hundreds of small choices you make every day, often without thinking. The choice to ask how they feel instead of what they did. The choice to plan for fun like you plan for work. The choice to say thank you for the small things. The choice to dream a little dream together. The choice to reach out and hold their hand.

I want you to understand this: What feels like love fading away is often just choosing slowing down. We choose each other once, in a big, beautiful moment. But then life gets loud. We think that one big choice is enough for fifty years. We put our relationship on automatic. We expect it to run itself. But automatic is just for keeping things the same. It cannot find new joy. It cannot get you closer. For that, you need to take the wheel. You need to be present. You need your hands on the wheel together, making small turns to stay on a beautiful road.

That is what this has all been about: taking back the wheel. The five ideas we shared are not a to-do list. You do not have to do them all perfectly. They are a new way of seeing. They are glasses you put on to look at your most important person. They answer the question, “What does love look like on a normal Thursday?”

It looks like you deciding to be interested. It looks like us deciding to find a little adventure. It looks like me deciding to say “I see you” with my thanks and my touch.

This is not about fixing what is broken. I really need you to hear me. You and I, we are not here to repair a machine. We are gardeners watering a plant we love. Some seasons it has many flowers. Other seasons it looks dry and needs more care, more water, more good soil. The goal is not a perfect plant. The goal is a strong, healthy one that keeps growing with us.

So, I will ask you again, but differently now. The question is no longer, “Are you dating your spouse?” The question now is, “Will you start today?”

The honest and hopeful truth is this: your love story’s next page is written by you two. It is written in the small moments you decide to connect, not just share a space. You have what you need, and it is not complex. It is curiosity, planning, thanks, dreams, and touch.

You do not need a new life. You just need to live the life you have with more attention and more love. Look at your partner tonight. Look past the messy kitchen and the tired day. See the person you once chose with a happy, nervous heart. See your fellow dreamer. And then, make one small choice. Ask one real question. Give one real compliment. Reach out your hand.

The love you want is not in your past. It is waiting for you in your next kind choice. It is built by choosing, again and again, to date, to discover, to appreciate the amazing person you were wise enough to love. The path back to each other starts with one small step. Take it. They are, and always will be, worth choosing.