How to Quiet the Voice That Holds You Back & Choose Freedom

You know that voice in your head? Of course you do. It’s the one that pipes up at the worst times. Maybe you look at a better job and think, “I can’t do that.” Maybe you dream about a side business and think, “I’d probably fail.” Or you pull back from someone you like and think, “I’m bad at this.”

It sounds like it’s helping you. It sounds smart. It says it’s keeping you safe. But I’m here to tell you something I learned the hard way: that voice is not on your side. It doesn’t protect you. It traps you. It locks your mind in a very small room.

I call this the “Limiting Belief Loop.” It’s a broken record. It plays the same short, sad song over and over. And we dance to it. We build our lives around it. For years, I danced to mine. I told myself, “I’m a messy creative person.” It sounded fun and free. But really, it was just an excuse. It meant I believed I could never be organized. I believed money was too confusing for me. That one belief shut so many doors. It cost me opportunities. It cost me peace. It cost me real money.

Here is the truth I need you to hear: We all have these beliefs. Every single one of us. They are like invisible rules written on our hearts. Maybe you learned yours as a kid. Maybe a single failure wrote them for you. Maybe you just picked them up from the world around you. It’s not your fault you have them.

But it is your responsibility what you do with them. The problem isn’t that the thoughts exist. The problem is that we let them be the boss. We never stop and ask: “Is this actually true?”

That’s what I want to do with you today. I want to walk with you through a simple, real process. No fancy words. No fake cheer. Just you and me, looking honestly at what holds you back. We are going to be detectives in your own mind. We will find those sneaky, limiting beliefs. And then, we will break them. Not with shouting, but with kindness. Not with lies, but with truth.

This isn't about pretending life is perfect. This is the opposite. It’s about trading the comfortable story that limits you for the uncomfortable truth that frees you. It’s about walking out of that small, familiar room and into the wide, open sky.

Are you ready to see what’s really holding you back?

The Catch

Okay, so we're ready to begin. This first step is all about the catch. And that's exactly what it is—catching something. You can't fix a thought you don't know is there. You can't stop a story you don't realize you're telling yourself.

Here’s the thing about these beliefs: they are very, very quiet. They don't yell. They whisper. They blend into your normal thinking so well that you think they are just facts. "That's just how I am," you might say. But is it really?

I want you to think of your mind like a radio. All day, it's playing songs—your thoughts, your plans, your worries. A limiting belief is like a soft, sad song that's always on in the background. You've heard it so many times, you don't even notice the words anymore. But your mood listens. Your decisions listen. It sets the tone for your day.

For years, my background song was "You're the disorganized one." It played when I was late. It played when I couldn't find my keys. It played when I saw a neat, color-coded planner and thought, "That's not for me." I accepted the song as truth. I didn't know I could change the station.

Your job right now is to learn how to notice your own background song. We do this by listening for a few key things.

First, listen for the absolute statements. These are thoughts that use words like always, never, can’t, everyone.

• "I always mess up presentations."

• "I'll never be good with money."

• "I can't speak up in meetings."

• "Everyone is doing better than me."
  When you hear yourself think in these hard, final terms, pause. You have likely caught a limiting belief. Life is rarely that black and white.

Second, listen to your excuses, especially the quick ones. When an opportunity comes up—a new project, a social event, a chance to learn—what is the first reason you give to say no?

• "I'm too tired."

• "I don't have the time."

• "I'm not ready yet."
  
  
• Often, the excuse is just a cover. Underneath it is a belief. "I'm too tired" might hide "I don't think I'm fun to be around." "I'm not ready" might hide "I'm afraid I'm not good enough."

Third, and this is a big one, listen to how you explain other people's success. Do you give them all the credit, and yourself none?

• "They got the promotion because they're a natural."

• "They have a successful side business because they have rich friends."
  When we do this, we are often protecting a painful belief about ourselves—like "My hard work doesn't pay off," or "Success is about luck, not effort."

So, what do you do now? For one week, I want you to be a scientist studying your own mind. Don't try to change anything. Just watch and write. Keep a small notebook or use your phone. When you hear one of those absolute statements, write it down. When you make a quick excuse, jot it. When you explain away someone else's win, note the story you told yourself.

We are not fighting these thoughts yet. We are just collecting them. It's like we are walking through a garden and finally noticing the weeds we've been stepping over for years. You can't pull them up if you don't see them first.

This step is simple, but it is powerful. It turns the invisible, into something you can see and hold. And once you can see it, you can start to ask the most important question of all: "Is this really true?" But first, you have to make the catch. Start listening. Your freedom begins with noticing the whisper.

The Question

So now you have a list. You've caught a few of those quiet thoughts. You might look at them and think, "Okay, now what?" This is where the real work begins. This step is called The Question. It is the most powerful tool you have.

Think of it this way: for years, maybe your whole life, you have accepted these thoughts as facts. You heard them in your head and you nodded. You never stopped to ask for their ID. You never wondered if they were telling the whole truth. Now, we are going to change that.

We are going to take each belief, one at a time, and interview it. We are going to be kind but firm. We are not going to shout it down. We are going to ask it simple, honest questions and see if it has good answers.

Let’s say one belief you caught is: “I am bad with money.” It feels solid, like a stone in your shoe. Now, instead of just feeling the discomfort, you take the stone out and look at it.

First, you ask: “Where did you come from?”
You are looking for the beginning of the story.

• Did you hear your parents argue about bills and decide money was scary?

• Did you make one big mistake with a credit card when you were 21?

• Do you just feel confused by bank statements, so you decided you’re “not a numbers person”?
  I did this with my “messy creative” story. I asked it this question. The answer was simple: I was a messy teenager. That’s it. My 15-year-old self’s clutter became my 30-year-old self’s identity. When you find the origin, it often seems small and far away. It loses its power.

Next, you ask: “What is your proof? And is that the only proof?”
Make the belief show its evidence.
It might say: “You have credit card debt.” or “You never know how much is in your checking account.”
Okay. That is one side of the story. Now, look for the other side. Look for proof that breaks the rule.

• Have you ever saved up for something you wanted?

• Do you pay your rent or mortgage on time, every month?

• Have you ever made a budget, even if you didn't stick to it perfectly?

• Do you have a job that pays you money for your work?
  You see, the belief only shows you your failures. You have to remind yourself of your successes, no matter how small. The truth is usually in the middle. Maybe you are not bad with money. Maybe you are learning about money. Maybe you have some skills and lack others. This is a fair and true story.

Then, ask the hardest, most important question: “What are you costing me?”
This connects the belief to your real life. What does it steal from you?
If you keep believing “I am bad with money”…

• Will you avoid learning how to invest?

• Will you feel shame every time you check your bank app?

• Will you stay in a job you hate because you're afraid to risk your paycheck?

• Will you miss the peace of mind that comes from feeling in control?
  For me, the “messy creative” belief cost me opportunities. It cost me respect. It cost me hours of stress looking for lost things. Writing down the cost makes it real. It turns a foggy feeling into a clear problem you can solve.

This step—The Question—is not about magic. It is about attention. It is about taking a thought you have accepted for years and holding it up to the light. You look at it from all sides. We do this not to feel bad, but to set ourselves free. When you see that a belief is built on old, shaky evidence, it starts to crumble on its own. You don't have to push it over. You just have to stop holding it up.

Take one belief from your list. Ask it these three questions. Write down the answers. Be a friend to yourself, curious and honest. You are preparing the ground for something new to grow.

The Reframe

So you’ve caught the old belief. You’ve questioned it. You’ve seen that its story is full of holes. Now you’re left with a quiet space in your mind. This space can feel a little empty, maybe even scary. Your old thought, even if it was bad, was familiar. This blank space is new.

This is where the magic happens. This step is The Reframe. It means writing a new, better story for yourself.

This is not about tricking yourself. It’s not about saying something shiny and happy that you don’t believe. If your belief is “I always fail,” and you try to tell yourself “I always succeed,” your own mind will laugh. It knows that’s not true. That kind of fake talk doesn’t work.

So what is reframing? Reframing is finding a true statement that is also kind and helpful. It’s looking at the same facts of your life but choosing a kinder angle. You start with your old, cracked belief. Let’s keep using the one from before: “I am bad with money.”

Your job is to find a new sentence that does three things:

• It feels true (so your mind can believe it).

• It feels kind (so your heart can accept it).

• It opens a door (so you can see a way forward).

How do we do that? We look for the action, not the label. The old belief “I am bad” is a permanent stamp. It’s a life sentence. We need to change it to something about what we do or what we are learning. Because you can change an action. You can grow a skill.

So, “I am bad with money” becomes something else. Let’s try some new frames together:

• Too fake and forced: “I am a money genius!” (No, you’re not. Delete this.)

• True and kind and open: “I am learning to understand my money better.”

• Or: “I am working on building better habits with my spending.”

• Or: “My goal is to feel more confident with my finances this year.”
  Do you feel the difference? The new statements don’t pretend the problem is gone. They don’t say you’re perfect. They say you are in motion.

Let me give you my example. My old belief was: “I am a disorganized person.”
My new, true reframe is: “I am getting better at creating systems that work for me.”

See? I didn’t say “I am perfectly organized.” That would be a lie, and I’d feel like a failure the next time I lost my keys. Instead, I said I am “getting better at creating systems.” This is true. I bought a bowl for my keys. That’s a system. It’s progress. This new story makes me feel capable, not condemned.

Your turn now. Take one of the beliefs you questioned. Write the old sentence at the top of a page. Now, try to write five new versions. Play with these starter phrases:

• “I am in the process of learning how to…”

• “I am getting better at…”

• “I am figuring out…”

• “Right now, I am focused on improving…”

• “It’s okay that I’m a beginner at…”

Read them out loud. Which one makes you feel a small sense of relief? Which one feels honest but also a little bit hopeful? That’s your new frame.

We are not erasing our past. We are just choosing to tell the story of our future with better words. This new sentence is your compass. It points you toward the next, most important step: taking a tiny, brave action. But for now, just sit with your new, kinder story. Say it to yourself. See how it feels. This is you, writing your way out of the old cage, one true word at a time.

The Proof

You have your new story. You've written a kinder sentence to tell yourself. That is a beautiful start. But if we stop there, it’s like writing a wonderful recipe and never stepping into the kitchen. The words taste good, but they won't feed you. This next step, The Proof, is where you turn your new story into something you can feel and touch. It's where you stop planning and start doing.

Let me explain why this step is non-negotiable. Your mind is like a scientist. It believes what it can see and touch. For years, it has collected proof for your old, limiting belief. Every time you backed down from a challenge, every time you said "I can't," your mind filed that away as evidence. "See?" it said. "The story is true." To convince that scientist in your head of a new truth, you must give it new evidence. You must show it, not just tell it.

This is where we get practical. This is where you take the wheel.

The biggest mistake people make here is trying to do too much, too fast. If your belief is "I'm not athletic," running a marathon tomorrow isn’t proof—it’s torture. It will just give you more evidence that exercise is misery. So we are going to be sneaky. We are going to start with an action so small, so simple, that your fear won't even notice it happening.

We call this a "tiny action." It is not about achievement. It is about participation. The goal is not to be perfect. The goal is to do one tiny thing that lines up with your new story. When you do, you send a powerful message to your whole self: "See? I am the kind of person who does this."

Let's use our example again. Your old belief: "I am bad with money."
Your new, reframed story: "I am learning to manage my money with more confidence."

Your proof is NOT: "I will pay off all my debt this month."
That's huge and scary. Your old belief will scream, and you might freeze.

Your proof IS: "Tonight, I will open my banking app and just look at my main account balance for 30 seconds. I won't judge the number. I will just look at it and say, 'Okay. This is my starting point.'"

Do you feel the difference? The second action is almost too easy not to do. But when you do it, you have just collected your first piece of real proof. You looked at your money without panic. You engaged. You are, in a tiny way, managing it. You are learning.

Here is another example. New story: "I am becoming more confident in speaking up."

Your tiny action is NOT volunteering to give the big presentation.

Your tiny action IS: "In the next meeting, I will say one sentence. It can be as simple as, 'I agree with Sarah's point,' or 'Thank you for sharing that update.'"

That's it. One sentence. You have now proven to yourself that your voice can be heard in a room. You have a data point for your new story.

Your job right now is to choose your first tiny action.

Look at your new, reframed belief.

Ask yourself: "What is the smallest, easiest, first step that fits this new story?" Make it so small it feels easy.

Do that one thing today. Not tomorrow. Today.

And here is the most important part: When you do it, you must celebrate it. You must acknowledge the proof. Don't just do it and move on. Stop for three seconds. Put your hand on your heart and say to yourself, "Proof. I did the thing. I am the kind of person who is learning."

I want you to understand this: you are building a new library of evidence, one tiny page at a time. Right now, the library for your old belief has thousands of books. The library for your new belief is empty. Your tiny action is you writing the very first page of the very first book. It might feel small on the shelf, but it is there. It is real.

So go on. Do your one small thing. Write your first page. That is how you build a new truth—not by thinking, but by doing. One tiny, proven step at a time.

The Practice

You’ve done the hard part. You’ve pulled up the old weed and planted a new seed. But if you walk away now, the weed will grow back. This last step, The Practice, is how you make sure your new story grows strong. It’s how you make it a permanent part of your life.

Think of it like learning to ride a bike. At first, you wobble. You might fall. You have to think about every move. But after many days of practice, you just get on and ride. You don’t think about it anymore. It becomes natural. This is what we want for your new belief. We want it to become your new normal.

This is not about being perfect. You will have days where the old thought comes back. That’s okay. The goal is not to never hear the old song again. The goal is to know how to turn the radio station when it comes on.

So, what does The Practice look like every day? It’s built on three simple things.

First, keep your new story close. A thought you can’t see or hear is easy to forget. You have to remind yourself.

• Write your new reframe on a sticky note. Put it on your mirror or computer.

• Say it out loud to yourself in the car or while making coffee.

• Set a reminder on your phone to pop up with your new phrase.
  I have my current one taped to my fridge. It says, “I build systems for my peace of mind.” When I see it, I remember who I’m choosing to be. It’s a small nudge that keeps me on my new path.

Second, never stop collecting proof. Your brain needs to see evidence to believe something. So you have to become a detective for your own success.
At the end of each day, ask yourself: “What is one small thing I did today that proves my new story?”

• Did you save a few dollars? Proof.

• Did you speak one sentence in a meeting? Proof.

• Did you choose to walk instead of scroll on your phone? Proof.
  Write it down in a “Proof Journal.” When you have a bad day, look back at all your proof. It shows you how far you have come. We often forget our wins. This practice makes them real.

Third, pay attention to what’s around you. You are like a sponge. You soak up the energy of the people you talk to and the things you watch.

• If you’re practicing confidence, but you only listen to people who criticize everything, it will be harder.

• If you’re practicing financial health, but you only follow people showing off luxury buys, it will be harder.
  This doesn’t mean you cut people off. It means you get choosy. Spend more time with the people and ideas that lift you up. Listen to a podcast that inspires you. Read a book by someone who has done what you want to do. We grow best in good soil. Make your mental soil as good as you can.

The Practice is your daily promise to yourself. Some days it will feel easy. Some days you’ll have to try harder. Both kinds of days are important. Both are part of the practice.

This is how you make freedom last. It’s not one big change. It’s the small choice you make every morning to water your new seed. You have the tools now. You know how to catch the old thought, question it, rewrite it, prove it, and practice it. Come back to these steps anytime you need to. This is your path. We are all walking our own. Keep going. Your new story is worth it.

Your Freedom is a Choice Away

Let’s take a breath and look at the ground we’ve covered. We started with a quiet, familiar thought—the one that held you back. You learned to catch it. You learned to question its old, tired story. You wrote a new one, with kinder words. You took a small step to prove that new story could be real. And you saw that this is a practice, like keeping a garden, not a one-time fix.

I want you to understand something deep in your bones: Your freedom is not far away. It is not something you have to earn later. It is here, right now. It was always here. It was just hiding under layers of “I can’t” and “I’m not.” This whole process was never about building a new you from scratch. It was about clearing away the noise to find the strong, capable you that was there all along.

You have always held the key. I really mean that. That key is not one giant, scary decision. It is made of small, daily choices. It is the choice to notice the old thought and say, “No, thank you.” It is the choice to ask, “Is this helpful?” It is the choice to use your new, kinder sentence. It is the choice to do the tiny, brave thing. Every single time you make one of these choices, you are using the key. You are unlocking the door.

We often get this backwards. We think, “When I feel brave, I will act.” We wait for the feeling to come first. But that’s not how it works. The action creates the feeling. You don’t wait to feel like a runner to go for a walk. You go for the walk, and then you feel more like a runner. You don’t wait to feel confident to speak up. You say one sentence, and then the confidence begins to grow. Freedom is a feeling that follows a choice.

So what does this feel like, day to day? I can tell you from my own life. It doesn’t mean fear disappears. It means when fear comes, you know what to do. You have a path. You don’t let fear decide for you. You make a choice based on your new truth. It feels lighter. It feels like you stopped carrying a heavy backpack you forgot you were wearing. Your energy comes back. You have more patience, more creativity, more peace for the people you love.

This is your life. This is your story. And you are now holding the pen.

So, where do you start? Right here. Right now. Ask yourself one simple question:

“What is the one small choice I can make today that feels like freedom?”

Maybe it’s deleting an app that makes you feel bad about yourself. Maybe it’s saving five dollars. Maybe it’s saying “I don’t know” instead of pretending you do. Maybe it’s just sitting for three quiet minutes without picking up your phone.

That small choice is your key. Turn it. The door is open. Walk through.

Your wide-open sky is waiting. It has been waiting for you all along. Take the step. Your freedom is here.