How Wonder, Action, Nurture, Transform, and Connect Create Sustainable Growth Without the Burnout.

Let me tell you a secret: I was totally hooked on SMART goals. You know, the ones that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound? I bought into it all. Every New Year, every fresh Monday, I’d open a clean page in my notebook and write my list. I’d get that jolt of energy, that feeling of being in the driver’s seat. I had a plan! But then, without fail, the shine would wear off. By mid-February, or sometimes by hump day itself, that neat list didn’t feel helpful anymore. It felt heavy. If I slipped up on one small, Measurable task, my whole Achievable plan seemed to fall apart. I’d feel guilty, then frustrated, then just...done. I’d shove the notebook in a drawer. Have you ever been there? Does that feel familiar to you?

We’ve all heard the same promise, right? The idea is to take our biggest dreams and squeeze them into these small, SMART boxes. Check them off, they say, and you’ll get where you want to go. It makes success sound like simple arithmetic. But after I quit on too many of these goals, I saw the real problem. The system focuses on what's easy to count, but it misses what's hard to measure: the real, messy growth that happens along the way. It can turn something you love into a chore. It can make you quit on a dream just because you missed a random number you picked one day. You end up feeling like you failed, when maybe the method itself let you down.

I think you and I deserve better. What if there was a kinder way? A method that’s less about staring at a distant finish line and more about enjoying the steps you take today? What if it focused on who you are becoming, not just what you are crossing off? I was stuck in that cycle for so long until I stumbled onto a different path. It’s not complicated. It’s a more human way of thinking that finally got me moving and kept me going.

1. Wonder

Let's talk about where every journey really begins. In the old way, with SMART goals, they tell you to start with something Specific. You have to lock it down. "I will lose weight." "I will save money." It feels solid, I know. I've started there a hundred times. But I want you to think about what that does. That solid goal, that number, it becomes a judge. It sits there, watching you. The moment you say, "I will save five thousand dollars," every coffee you buy feels like a small failure. It turns your dream into a test you can fail.

We can do something different. What if, before we pick a number or a strict target, we just got curious? Let's swap that Specific goal for a simple question. This is our first step: from pressure to Wonder.

Wonder is just a friendly question you ask yourself. It doesn’t have one right answer. It's an exploration. Instead of saying, "I will write for one hour every day," you might wonder, "What kind of stories do I have inside me?" Instead of "I will network with 5 people this month," you could ask, "Who do I find interesting, and what could I learn from them?"

Do you see how that feels lighter? The first way, the SMART way, puts a weight on your shoulders. It's you versus the rule. The second way, the Wonder way, opens a door. It's you exploring a new room. Your mind responds to curiosity. It wants to poke around and find answers. A strict goal can make you want to hide. A good question makes you want to look.

We are all naturally curious. Think about how you watch a movie trailer. You don't decide to be interested; a question just pops up. "What happens to that character?" "How will they get out of this mess?" That's the feeling we want for your goals. Wonder turns a task into a little mystery you get to solve.

So, here is what I want you to do. Forget planning for a minute. Just think. What is one area of your life you'd like to be different? Got it? Now, don't tell me what you'll do. Ask yourself how you'd like to feel. Ask what sounds interesting. Write down the question. "What would make my mornings feel peaceful?" "What hobby might actually be fun for me?" "How could I feel more connected to the people I love?"

This isn't silly. This is the most useful step. You are finding your true reason why before you get lost in the hard how. You are making a compass. Later, when you get lost (and we all get lost), you won't just stare at a failed number on a page. You'll remember your question—your Wonder—and it will help you find your way back. That feeling of curiosity is a much kinder guide than a strict, scary number ever could be.

2. Action

This is where most of us stop. We have the dream. We feel the wonder. But then we look at how far we have to go, and we freeze. I have done this so many times. The big goal—losing all that weight, writing that whole book, starting that business—feels like a mountain. Just looking at it makes me tired. So I do nothing. I wait for a day when I feel stronger, more motivated. That day often doesn't come.

We need a new way to move. Here it is: Ignore the mountain. Completely. Don't even look at it. Instead, just focus on the smallest possible step. Not the big goal, but the tiniest action you can do right now.

Forget big, scary actions like "work out more" or "write a chapter." Those will make you want to hide. A real action in this system is something so small you can't say no. It should feel almost too easy.

Let me give you examples. My goal wasn't "write a book." That scared me. My action was: "open my notebook and write one sentence." Just one. Some days, that was it. Other days, that one sentence led to more. But I did it. Your goal isn't "get fit." Your action is: "put on my walking shoes." That's it. You don't even have to walk. Just put them on. Your goal isn't "clean the whole house." Your action is: "wash three dishes." Just three.

Do you see how this works? You are taking the pressure off. You can't argue with something that takes one minute. You just do it. And when you do it, you win. You prove to yourself, "I did what I said I would do." One win is small. But a string of these tiny wins? That is powerful. That’s how you change, bit by bit.

This is how we build real progress. Not with huge, exhausting pushes. But with small, steady steps. These tiny actions add up faster than you think. They are your secret power.

So, look at your Wonder question. What is the very first, tiniest thing you can do about it? I don't want a big plan. I want the smallest step. If your Wonder is about calm, your action could be "sit still and take five deep breaths." If your Wonder is about a friend, your action could be "send a quick text to say hello." If your Wonder is about learning, your action could be "read one page."

Don't think this is too small. This tiny step is everything. Your only job today is to do that one, small thing. I'll be doing my small thing too. Let's start this tiny, powerful engine together. What is your one tiny action?

3. Nurture

Think about the last goal you set. You made a plan. You decided what you would do. This is like building a fence around a piece of land. You say, "This is where my goal will happen." I have built this fence so many times. You probably have, too. But inside the fence, it’s just empty dirt. We stand there and wait for something to grow, but we haven’t planted anything. We haven’t taken care of the soil. We just look at the dirt and hope. This is the old way. It doesn’t work.

We need to try a new way. Instead of just building a fence, we need to become gardeners. This step is called Nurture. It’s not about the seed (your tiny action). It’s about everything around the seed. It’s about the soil, the sunlight, the water. You can’t shout at a seed to make it grow. You have to create a place where growing is easy.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say your tiny action is to “read for 10 minutes before bed.” That’s your seed. Now, how do you nurture it? If your phone is right next to you, that’s a weed. It will choke your seed. So, you nurture. You charge your phone in another room. You put your book on your pillow so you see it. You make the choice easy. You are not using willpower to resist your phone. You are using a simple trick to help yourself.

This works for anything. If your action is to “drink more water,” you nurture by filling a nice bottle and keeping it on your desk. If your action is to “be on time,” you nurture by putting your keys in the same spot every night. You are helping your future self. You are saying, “I know I might be tired later, so I will make it easy now.”

We often think success is about strong willpower. I used to think that. But I was wrong. Your willpower is like a muscle. It gets tired. Your environment, your garden, is much stronger. If the path of least resistance leads to your good habit, you will follow it. If it leads to your bad habit, you will follow that, too. So, our job is to design the path.

Your willpower is weak. My willpower is weak. Everyone’s willpower is weak by the end of the day. But a well-set-up environment is always strong. It works for you while you are tired. It works for you when you are busy.

So, look at the tiny action you chose. Now, ask yourself two simple questions:

What makes this action hard? (That's a weed. Pull it.)

What would make this action easy? (That's water and sun. Add it.)

You are not just doing a task. You are building a home for your new habit. It’s about treating yourself kindly. You are preparing the garden so something beautiful can grow without a constant fight.

4. Transform

This step is about freedom. In the old way, the plan was everything. You made the plan, and you had to stick to it. If you changed your mind, you failed. I have felt that failure. You probably have too. Life would happen—a busy week, a sick day, a simple loss of interest—and the plan would fall apart. We would blame ourselves. We would think, “I don’t have any discipline.” We would give up.

But here is a better truth: It’s okay to change your mind. It’s more than okay—it’s smart. This step, Transform, is about letting your goal grow and change as you do.

Think of it like a road trip. With a SMART goal, you pick the exact route before you leave. You won’t take any detours, even if you see a sign for something amazing. With our way, you know your general direction—your Wonder—but you allow for detours. If a road is closed, you find another way. If you see a town that looks interesting, you explore it. The point isn’t to follow the map perfectly. The point is to have a good journey and end up somewhere you’re glad to be.

Let me give you an example from my life. I once set a goal to “meditate for 20 minutes every morning.” It was my plan. After two weeks, I hated it. I felt guilty every time I hit snooze instead. I was about to quit completely. Then I remembered this idea: Transform. I asked myself, “What was my real Wonder?” It was: “I wonder how I could feel less stressed?” The goal wasn’t “20 minutes of meditation.” The goal was “less stress.” So, I pivoted. I changed my action to “take three deep breaths when I feel overwhelmed.” It was totally different from my first plan! But it worked. It led me toward my Wonder. Changing my plan wasn’t a failure. It was a success, because I listened to myself.

I want you to give yourself this same permission. Your life changes. You learn new things. What mattered to you last month might not matter as much today. That’s not flaky. That’s human.

So, every now and then, check in with yourself. Look at your Wonder and your tiny action. Ask yourself: “Is this still working for me? Does this still feel right?” If the answer is no, don’t force it. Pivot. Change your tiny action. Or even ask a new Wonder question. You are not quitting. You are transforming your approach based on what you’ve learned. That’s flexibility, not weakness.

We are not robots. We are people. Our paths aren’t straight lines. They twist and turn. That’s where the interesting stuff happens. So let’s promise each other to embrace the pivots. To see a change not as a failure, but as the next smart step. You have the freedom to adjust your course. Use it.

5. Connect

I need to tell you about my biggest mistake, one I made on repeat for years. I treated my goals like state secrets. I thought being strong meant grinding away in silence, that getting things done was a solo sport. If I succeeded, it was my win. If I failed, the shame was all mine. I’d hide my plans and my stumbles, thinking it made me look independent. But in that quiet, with only my own expectations for company, every small setback felt huge, and every win felt empty. The pressure would build until I’d just… quit. Maybe you know that feeling—the exhausting weight of going it alone.

Here’s what I was missing: we aren’t built to do hard things in isolation. We’re wired for connection. By keeping our journeys secret, we’re fighting our own nature. This step, Connect, is about letting a few trusted people in on your journey. It’s what turns a lonely struggle into a shared effort, and it makes everything feel lighter and more doable.

Think of it this way. A single ember left alone will usually just go out. But put it with other kindling, and you can build a fire that lasts the night, gives warmth, and lights the way. Your Wonder is that ember. Connection is the kindling.

This isn’t about big public announcements. That’s just another form of pressure. Real connection doesn’t need to be loud. It’s about finding your person or your small circle—the ones who will listen without immediately trying to fix you, who will cheer for you without turning it into a competition.

Here’s how to start. It begins with being honest. You don’t need to share your master plan. Just share your Wonder. Text a friend and say, “You know, I’ve been wondering what it would be like to have more energy in the afternoons. Any thoughts?” Tell your partner, “I’m curious about learning to bake decent bread.” Just saying it out loud to someone else makes it feel more real and possible.

Then, you can gently bring them into your Action phase. This is where the real magic happens. Your tiny action is to “stretch for five minutes.” The Connect step means you have a quick, low-stakes check-in. Text your sister: “Did my five-minute stretch, felt pretty stiff! How’s your morning?” Or you and a coworker send a glass emoji when you finish your first water bottle. It creates a gentle thread of accountability. It’s not a scary report; it’s a shared nod that says, “I see you trying, and I’m trying too.”

And when you hit the Transform phase—when you need to change course—this connection is a lifesaver. Instead of spiraling alone into feeling like a failure, you have a sounding board. You can say, “Hey, that daily walk isn’t fitting my schedule, but I still want fresh air. What if I tried a Saturday hike instead?” A connected friend can help you see the sense in that. They can help you see the pivot not as giving up, but as figuring out a better way.

Feel the relief this can bring. The burden isn’t all on you anymore. When you take that tiny step, you can share the win, and it feels better. When you face a setback, you can share the load, and it feels less heavy. You literally change how you experience the journey by simply not walking it in a vacuum.

So, here’s my request: Break the silence. This week, look at the Wonder you’ve been holding. Think of one person you trust. Your mission isn’t to achieve anything grand. Your mission is to simply connect. Share your curiosity. Say, “I’ve been playing with this idea…” or “I’m curious about…”

Watch what happens. Not just to your plan, but to your spirit. This journey—from rigid, lonely goals to a living practice of growth—is meant to be shared. Your courage fuels me. My stories might help you. We can remind each other to be kind, to stay curious, and to celebrate the wonderfully small steps that actually build a life.